Continuing on from my previous blog on Incisive Questions, in this series on the Thinking Environment, I share my thoughts and experiences on the component of Encouragement in this one.
Encouragement in a Thinking Environment
Nancy Kline defines encouragement in the Thinking Environment as:
“Giving courage to go to the unexplored edge of thinking by ceasing competition as thinkers. To be ‘better than’ is not necessarily to be ‘good.’ To compete does not ensure certain excellence. It merely ensures comparative success. Therefore, competition between thinkers can be dangerous. It can keep their attention on each other as rivals, not on the huge potential for each to think courageously for themselves. A Thinking Environment prevents internal competition among colleagues, replacing it with a wholehearted, unthreatened search for good ideas.”
What This Definition Means to Me
The idea of ceasing competition as thinkers was an immense relief when I first encountered it. It’s one of the things I love most about the Thinking Environment—this deliberate shift away from the compulsion to prove ourselves better than others. Instead of constantly measuring where we stand in relation to someone else, we are freed to think, explore, and express ourselves authentically.
Comparative thinking seems to be ingrained in us, shaping how we perceive ourselves and our worth. It often operates under an illusion:
• There is a universal ideal that applies to everyone.
• This ideal has a peak that we must strive to reach—one often unattainable in a single lifetime.
• If we’re not constantly climbing this ladder, we are not good enough.
This mindset leaves so many people trapped in self-doubt and shame, afraid to explore their true thoughts and identities. Worse, it perpetuates a culture where those who dare to step outside the norm are shamed or silenced. I sometimes wonder if we are simply living in a trance of fear—until one day, we look back with regret at the freedom we never claimed.
Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal speaks powerfully to this:
“Most of our tensions and frustrations stem from compulsive needs to act the role of someone we are not.” — János (Hans) Selye, The Stress of Life
Maté also warns against the dangers of comparing suffering:
“There is no comparing suffering. Nor is it appropriate to use our own trauma as a way of placing ourselves above others—‘You haven’t suffered like I have’—or as a cudgel to beat back others’ legitimate grievances when we behave destructively. We each carry our wounds in our own way; there is neither sense nor value in gauging them against those of others.”
We seem to have this all backwards. Comparison can be a tool for learning, growth, and innovation—but we’ve become addicted to it. And like any addiction, it can be toxic.
This constant need to measure ourselves against others doesn’t just shape our self-worth—it seeps into how we think and interact. We internalize the idea that being ‘better than’ is the same as being ‘good.’ But as Gabor Maté suggests, this mindset is more of a burden than a path to growth.
The Power of Encouragement
This is why the idea of ceasing competition as thinkers feels so radical and necessary. It offers hope that there is a healthier way to exist together. We don’t have to turn conversations into tournaments. Instead, we can build each other up—one small encouragement at a time. When we stop measuring ourselves against others and, instead, develop confidence in our own thinking, we unlock the possibility of truly authentic living.
“How did the rose ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its Being.
Otherwise,
We all remain too frightened”
~Hafez
In practical terms, I’ve experienced encouragement in a Thinking Environment through two key elements: Appreciation and Attention. These create a sense of psychological safety, allowing thoughts to unfold freely. I’ve noticed a strong connection between encouragement and ease—when a facilitator or thinking partner embodies encouragement, it invites deeper thinking, even when the thoughts are messy or painful.
I’ve also found that encouragement is often simple yet profound:
• A nod, a smile, or a look that says, I see you.
• A teacher saying, I’ve got your back.
• Someone appreciating a part of you that you thought was invisible.
• The silence someone holds as you work through waves of thought and feeling.
With each small gesture, a little more light enters the undernourished, fearful corners of the mind. Over time, confidence outgrows doubt.
Encouragement in My Practice
As a facilitator, I offer encouragement much in the way I have received it—by respecting people’s ideas, appreciating their insights, creating attentive spaces for difficult thinking, and gently nudging them when they doubt themselves.
I am still discovering my unique style of encouragement, especially in my roles as a coach and thinking partner. But I know this: in a world obsessed with competition, encouragement is a quiet revolution—one that makes space for each of us to think, grow, and be.
Final thoughts
Encouragement isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a radical act of belief in one another’s potential. When we replace competition with genuine support, we don’t just think better—we become freer, more authentic, and more courageous. What if the next time you’re in a conversation, instead of competing, you simply held space for someone’s thoughts? Imagine the kind of world we could build—one idea at a time
In the following blog, I will share my experiences with the component of Information.
Credit: Illustration by Chitra